Existing?

I cant sleep.
My mind wonders through my life like a brain scan.
I go outside and grab a smoke and as i look at the city i think...so many things go on my mind...
I´m all messed up.
What is the meaning of all?
What´s the meaning of beeing ?
Existing?
Nothing.
Nothing of what i´ve planned as worked.
Nothing of what i took for granted remained.
Nothing of what i´ve loved lasted.
I find myself on an existing and permanent state of sadness.
My only confort are the words i write on this blank page...
What am i going to do?
What am i doing?
I need a change. I need to refresh my soul, my body, my mind, my heart.
This isnt what i figured out to me.
This isnt the plan that i builded for me...
What have i done?
What have i done with my dreams and hopes?
Where are they today?
I want to have hope in the future but i cant... the future looks so dark.
Help me. Help me.
Tell me that the future will be bright.
Tell me that the future will be good.
Say that you will be with me forever.
Make me belive again.